F*ck You (A Self Indulgent Rant)

F*ck You night terrors for making me not be able to comfort my daughter when she wakes distraught.
F*ck You depression for making me feel I'm not a good enough mother; or actually a good enough anything; for the catastrophising and ruminating; for robbing me of my pregnancy; for making me question every single bleeding day whether I'm the right person to be bringing her up; for robbing me of my motivation to do anything; and the added weight that came with the lack of exercise; for destroying my life!
F*ck You Mother for making me grow up thinking nothing I do is ever good enough.
F*ck You Mother for also making me deal with all the crap your death brought.
F*ck You Father for not being there; for making things worse when you were; and for dying before I was old enough to figure out the rest for myself.
F*ck You to his mother for rejecting me as a child because I looked like him, yes, well I was his daughter!
F*ck You Brother for being you and expecting the world to owe you, life's not been easy for me either.
F*ck You to the Abusers who stole my childhood and turned me into the person I most hate.
F*ck You to the Abusers and users who pushed me to my limit in my adult life.
F*ck You to those who knew and did nothing.
F*ck You to BPD for making me screw up relationships and run before I let anyone get close and find the real me; the intense craziness; the volatile mood swings.
F*ck You OCD, Derm, and Trich for making me too ashamed to want to leave the house, and for destroying what was left of my self esteem.
F*ck You to 'friends' who bailed because it was all too much or I didn't fit your plans and lifestyle.
F*ck You to him for making me try again, and making me believe it would be different.
F*ck You to those who can't be bothered with my daughter, your loss idiots.
F*ck You to those that play 'plus' games, sometimes, just sometimes, the world isn't revolving just around you. I don't need, 'yeah me too, but also X, Y, & Z', just be a friend or don't. 
F*ck You to those that still treat mental health as a joke; those whose still discrimate; those who tell you to pull yourself together and go for a walk; and those who would rather walk away that say anything.
F*ck you to ME for allowing this crap to still influence my life.

Pampers Active Fit Nappies #britainsdriestnappy

We recently trialled some Pampers Active Fit nappies as part of Britain's Driest Nappy trial.

What did we think?

Age of Child
28 months

Size of Active Fit nappies you were trying
Size 5

What was your overall impression of Pampers Active Fit?
I was surprised how thin they were, they are a lots less bulky than usual ones, Boots Baby. They are a bit over 'decorated' for my liking, they have gender neutral pictures on front and back. Some of tapes were fiddly and unstuck or stuck in wrong place. They smell horrible  when the get wet, it's like an overpowering almond aroma. 

How did Pampers Active Fit perform through the day and at night time?
Little Lady has been potty trained through day for a while now, since Easter, but as we have been through a lot of change recently, house move, separation, etc., we have been using nappies again. I found they held a reasonable amount, but obviously, she is changed more during day. To be honest, I didn't expect much from them at night, surely they were too thin, but they mostly stayed dry. We did have a couple of nights where we had leaks, but only in the morning, just before changing, so not #britainsdriestnappy for us. Once they were wet, they were bulging, pulling down, and looked really uncomfortable.
Would you use them again? If so, why? If not, why not?
They were less bulky so looked better under clothes, but too expensive compared to my usual brand (Boots Baby), I don't feel the benefit in daytime is great enough to justify the extra cost. Definitely wouldn't use for night times, not worth the hassle of extra washing.
If it came up in conversation, would you recommend Pampers Active Fit to other parents for dryness and fit?
After Huggies stopped making nappies to focus on Pull Ups, I tried a few different brands, including the existing Pamper's range, which I wasn't satisfied with, so I was interested to try these and see if they really had improved. They haven't really, better for daytime, still not great at night, so I would recommend others first, but maybe these for daytime.

As for us, we're off to Boots to stock up on own brand nappies.

Happy Yorkshire Day & Thank You Lovely Ladies

It's 1st August, which means only one thing, it's Yorkshire Day! WooHoo!
I'd been thinking about doing some kind of random acts of kindness with Kiki, but hadn't got around to it. This last couple of weeks I've felt really low and suicidal, so whilst trying to pull myself out my horrible all-encompassing mood, I thought we'd give it a go today. 

As it's Yorkshire Day I decided we would hand out some white roses. I had some small gift bags left over from crafting, I wrote a message on card saying 'Happy Yorkshire Day, love Kiki x', to put in the bag. I also added the hashtag #RandomActsOfKindness and my twitter name.

We went into Leeds and bought a big bunch of white roses. I asked the seller not to wrap them and uncut the ties so I could separate them. 

We then separated them out and added the bag and notes.

Handing them out should be easy, right?

Actually no, it was seriously hard work. The amount of people who ignored us, ran away, or dumped them after we left was unbelievable.

We did get some lovely reactions though, which was the point! 
Little Lady had fun too.

Our little random acts of kindness trip, wasn't easy, it was quite stressful, but I'd like to think we made a few people smile. 

Thank you to all those lovely people who did stop and talk to us, especially the great girls (and guy) who made a fuss of Kiki telling her she had made their day.