F*ck You (A Self Indulgent Rant)

F*ck You night terrors for making me not be able to comfort my daughter when she wakes distraught.

F*ck You depression for making me feel I'm not a good enough mother; or actually a good enough anything; for the catastrophising and ruminating; for robbing me of my pregnancy; for making me question every single bleeding day whether I'm the right person to be bringing her up; for robbing me of my motivation to do anything; and the added weight that came with the lack of exercise; for destroying my life!

F*ck You Mother for making me grow up thinking nothing I do is ever good enough.

F*ck You Mother for also making me deal with all the crap your death brought.

F*ck You Father for not being there; for making things worse when you were; and for dying before I was old enough to figure out the rest for myself.

F*ck You to his mother for rejecting me as a child because I looked like him, yes, well I was his daughter!

F*ck You Brother for being you and expecting the world to owe you, life's not been easy for me either.

F*ck You to the Abusers who stole my childhood and turned me into the person I most hate.

F*ck You to the Abusers and users who pushed me to my limit in my adult life.

F*ck You to those who knew and did nothing.

F*ck You to BPD for making me screw up relationships and run before I let anyone get close and find the real me; the intense craziness; the volatile mood swings.

F*ck You OCD, Derm, and Trich for making me too ashamed to want to leave the house, and for destroying what was left of my self esteem.

F*ck You to 'friends' who bailed because it was all too much or I didn't fit your plans and lifestyle.

F*ck You to him for making me try again, and making me believe it would be different.

F*ck You to those who can't be bothered with my daughter, your loss idiots.

F*ck You to those that play 'plus' games, sometimes, just sometimes, the world isn't revolving just around you. I don't need, 'yeah me too, but also X, Y, & Z', just be a friend or don't. 

F*ck You to those that still treat mental health as a joke; those whose still discrimate; those who tell you to pull yourself together and go for a walk; and those who would rather walk away that say anything.

F*ck you to ME for allowing this crap to still influence my life.