I was having a pretty miserable morning today. 
Insomnia mixed with medical mishaps.
I felt really stressed out and wanted to just cry.

I posted this on Facebook yesterday...

And this morning I received a text from a great friend asking to meet up. She has been a very good friend to me, even at times I haven't deserved it. I am rubbish at keeping in touch with people. It's not that I don't want to, it is just that I forget to contact them!
I know that sounds weak, but in this last couple of weeks alone, I have promised to:
  • call my brother back (still not done); 
  • add a note to my To Do list to call a friend last Monday (saw her by chance at the weekend)
  • missed a call from my step-father, who I have seen since but didn't think to ask why he called...

So I meet up with my friend, feeling pretty crappy, and she ends up making me smile and laugh so easily. And she bought me a really fab gift set from Lush, all wrapped up in a beautiful head scarf.

She added one of these as it was Halloween, but I love skulls anyway

 The parcel was wrapped up in a head scarf, (not this one) which was shaped into a shoulder bag.
In the package of goodies was a card that showed the various ways of re-tying the scarf.

Phone, text or email a friend now, just to say 'Hi, I am thinking of you'. 
You will both be better for it.

'Scuse me but did you just say...?

Have you ever wanted to join in a conversation, to but in to someone else's conversation? I mean a strangers, not a friends. Just walk up and say something?

I am asking because there was a girl / young lady (late teens) on the bus behind me today, talking loudly in to her mobile. I am generally nosey, I admit, but she was talking loud enough for everyone to hear. Ironically asking her friend / sister not to talk too loudly about some secret mission or other.

Anyhows, she is talking away and suddenly squeals.
The next part of her conversation, the one side I heard, had my mind ticking over.

'Really you're getting one? (add excitable noise) I really wanted one blah blah blah'

But then, 'Are you getting a large one or a small one, 'cos small ones are easier to manipulate. If you get a big one, it won't be able to get upstairs; if you get a small one it will be able to get upstairs but won't be able to get back down again.'

I swear, I had to physically restrain myself from turning round and just looking at her, one eyebrow raised, 'Daleks?'

Beyond my Control: One Man's Struggle with Epilepsy, Seizure Surgery & Beyond

Beyond my Control is one the most powerful heart wrenching stories I have been fortunate enough to read. Stuart shares his inner most thoughts with his readers. I truly felt honoured to be on his journey with him. 

He writes about childhood briefly, his struggle with anorexia nervosa, and starting and maintaining his stained glass business whilst experiencing 'peculiar sensations'.

My heart ached for him to find a diagnosis, for him to find peace, and a sign he was not losing his sanity.

McCallum's easy-going nature and humour are self-evident in the book, even through his frustration and depression, he writes with warmth and the ability to laugh at himself.

McCallum documents his journey into depression, although expected, clearly and emotionally with a candid honesty that is refreshing.

Stuart freely allows his feelings to show from his impatience and frustration at being unable to find a true diagnosis, through his scared and shameful reaction to his own behaviour, to his love for his beautiful wife and children.

McCallum writes in an almost apologetic tone for the majority of the book. He is ashamed and remorseful of his behaviour, although it was beyond his control.

My overwhelming reaction to the book is one of admiration for McCallum and his family, for being able to live this life and still be strong and loving. Stuart and Lisa, his wife, are both people with incredible strength and dignity.

I would definitely recommended this book to anyone who enjoys true life stories, memoirs, or who wants to learn more about what it is like to live with this disease.

It is a truly remarkable book, written by a remarkable gentleman, whom I wish good health and success. 

Shrink, baby, and meds

I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist today to discuss medication in pregnancy. There is no real information available on the effects of anti depressants in pregnancy, other than baby may suffer withdrawal symptoms for first couple of days.

I have decided to reduce medication in stages over the next couple of weeks and then stop. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I keep thinking, I can always go back on them if needed.

I don't know how much of my mood is just hormonal.

Booking In Appointment

I had my pregnancy booking in appointment with Midwife this morning. 
She gave me a folder of maternity notes to read and complete. 

Due to my history of depression I was told my pregnancy is high risk.  
I was also told I was very overweight and should not be gaining any weight at all in the pregnancy. 
I am asked where I want to give birth, I said I hadn't really thought about it but LGI is closest hospital to me so I guess there. I am told I need to decide by my next appointment where I want to give birth and whether I want a water birth.

Funky Pigeon has some really unique card and gift ideas that I think you will love. 

If you try it out they will give you 50% off all printed items in your first order. 

Just make sure you enter my Account Number on the Registration page. 

My account number is : 045243  

Virgin media ~ Free Installation

I am a current virgin media customer and if I refer any new customers, you will receive free installation worth £49.95 and I receive a £50 credit to my bill.

If you would like me to refer you, please let me know. 
Send me an email with:
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Many thanks

Today I'm excitable and pissed off

Today, I'm excitable and pissed off in equal measure.

I got some things for the baby, I know it's soon. I saw the post on Freecycle. I have no qualms about using second hand things. I find it strange that people can be so disapproving. Surely so long as it is clean and safe that is all that matters? 
I am starting to feel quite excited, but anxious still as I know it is really early.

Baby's Father still not being in touch. I expected better / more from him. 
Really disappointed. 

Here All Along: Looking for love everywhere, finally finding it was within me all Along by Lori Osterman

I have read quite a lot of excerpts from this book as it was being written; but they did not prepare me for the emotional impact this book would have on me! There were tears of despair, frustration, anger and laughter.

Here All Along is an inspirational story of one woman's fight for freedom, her desire to protect her children and finding the strength to believe in herself.

Here All Along catalogues the series of errors and difficulties that Lori faced as she fought for her freedom from two abusive relationships. The fight to stay sane, stay healthy for herself and her two children, and protect them all.

Lori is a truly amazing women, struggling for what she believes in, and for what is right and just.

The book is about hope, friendship, trust and love. Not in a chocolate box fairytale, but in a truly heart wrenching honest and brutal way.

The book is written with warmth and humour, even through some of the darkest days, I hope many people never have to suffer.

It draws you in, you warm to Lori straight away, as she describes her marriages and her desire to be loved, and you want her to fight the system, protecting herself and beautiful children, and ultimately win the fight that continues to plague this amazing family for years.

I guarantee you will flinch at some of the the book's harder to read parts, but laugh uncontrollably at others.

Either way, whether you wince, flinch, laugh, cry or quietly hear your heart break, you will be affected by this book.

The writing style and approach reminds me of Jodi Picoult. The way that you can hear the effects of the abuse ripple through the marriages, family and community.

Lori writes with truth and passion, and delivers a punch!

I hope this book inspires woman (who may or may not be in similar circumstances at some point in their lives) to continue to believe in themselves and not give up.

Please read it yourselves, buy it for every woman in your lives, mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and help highlight the struggle women face everyday and show people that there is strength out there.

A true story written by a true survivor and heroine. 

Read a sample and buy the book here


Another Dr's appointment & eBay

Now I am pregnant, I have been told to start taking calcium tablets, yet another new initiative from Depart for Health.

I have discovered eBay's baby category today! I have a feeling it will swallow a lot of my time and money over the coming weeks. I know people are really touchy about buying baby things before 12 weeks, but I tend to find that it is the older generation or ladies who have had problems in previous pregnancies. 
Me? Well, I am too excitable to wait and also as still on sick benefits, so I know I need to budget.

Baby thoughts and names...

My mind is already racing with what I need, how I am going to get and if I really need it.
I had a long discussion about baby names. I decide I want something unusual but not totally out there.

  • Banquo; 
  • Dante; 
  • Pi; 
  • Jorja Graceful; 
  • Summer Dream; 
  • Breeze Violet; 
  • Willow Lavendar; 
  • Tiger Lily Meadow; 
  • Bracken Eagle-eye; 
  • Briar Wolf; 
  • Blossom Lilac; 
  • Yarrow Lionheart; 
  • Dandelion Ray; 
  • Skye Bleu Aroma; 
  • Rainbow Storm; 
  • Star; 
  • Sunshine; 
  • Saffron; 
  • Luca;
  • Lucas;
  • Chief;
  • Archimedes;
  • Galileo;
  • Gianni;
  • Remedy;
  • Rogue Rage.
These are just some of the names that appeared today. Not all names listed even lasted the discussion but some are already favourites.

Hey, guess what?

I got the official Doctor's result today, it's positive.  
I am pregnant!

The lady that called me to give me the test result was rather rude and horrible. She wanted to book me an appointment to speak to a GP about my 'options, as these things are best dealt with as soon as possible'
I am fuming, how dare she?!

I have being trying to conceive since 2005 if she wanted to check my records. 

Granted things had changed a little but she had no idea.