Normal. Am I?

Am I normal? I mean to the extent any of us are normal.

My baby is due in just less than 6 weeks and I'm feeling fine, ok, calm about it.

The cot is up, the pram / pushchair system set up into pram mode (liner added, etc.), the first lot of baby clothes are washed and hanging ready in the wardrobe, hospital bags are packed (mine & baby) with lists ready of last minutes things to grab, checklists checked and double checked, appointments all booked in for next few weeks...

So what's missing?

The only thing I'm conscious of is my need to get some nursing bras, there's a post on that challenge coming up!

But I am not worrying about the labour or the birth. It wasn't something I even thought about until recently. Not because I was worried, but I generally just didn't think about it.

I have read quite a bit on labour and birth, pain relief, coping strategies, and even the what if it all goes tits up information in the last couple of weeks. I had an appointment today with an Obstetric Anaesthetist to see if I can have an epidural should I want or need one. I have been to my 1 three hour antenatal talk provided by the NHS to prepare me for childbirth. I have got an appointment at 36 weeks to discuss it all with a midwife.

I had a wobble a couple of weeks ago. Hormones, build up of stress, depression, whatever you want to call it. Not about the labour but about after, when the baby is here. As I've said before I have never really been around children younger than Seven. But I asked for help. I referred myself to Home Start and the Pregnancy Support midwife. The lady from Home Start was lovely. The Pregnancy Support midwife cannot fit me in for an appointment until two weeks after the expected birth.

My community midwife team referred me to the NSPCC for their new Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond course. This is a new course, currently with 4 mums to be in Leeds. I have only been to one class / group meeting so far but it was helpful as it is the first chance I have had to actually meet other pregnant ladies. This in itself is a great help at making me feel normal! I said one thing I am looking forward to (not the only one mind) is to actually go for a wee! Now that may sound odd, but I think most pregnant ladies will know how I feel. I have spent majority of the last six months worrying I wouldn't make it to the toilet every 30 seconds to be only rewarded with a drip!

I am stressed about housing, finances or rather lack of, my health, etc. but I'm not worrying about birth.

Is this normal? Will it hit me all of a sudden? Will I suddenly be a jibbering wreck in a couple of weeks?

Due to health problems I have not had a named midwife. I have being seeing LGI Antenatal Clinic as well as a midwife team based at my local children's centre. Maybe that's why I'm not panicking, as I have had great support from the hospital already?

The only thing I'm concerned about is that I haven't actually seen the delivery suites. Anxiety and stress are common for me, I can get panicky in new places, often hyperventilating just at the thought of getting there, so I really would like to visit it beforehand. Unfortunately the hospital no longer offer delivery suite tours, they did have an online version that I couldn't find, but that has since been taken down whilst website is redesigned.

What the heck do I need in my Hospital Bag?

I have decided to pack a bag properly for the hospital. I started to do this as I progressed in pregnancy, but as with most things in my life, I lose interest quickly, so it is currently full of lots of things but I'm not sure how useful.

A quick search on Google for hospital bag returns a staggering 46,400,000 results! Wow!

Most of the pregnancy sites have a (downloadable) checklist for what to take.

Aptamil

Asda Baby & Toddler Club

Baby Centre

Baby World 

BBC

Boots

Bounty

Cow And Gate

Emma's Diary

Everyday Maternity

Good To Know

HiPP Baby Club 

Huggies Club

Mumsnet

Netmums

NHS

Pampers Village

Sainsbury's Little Ones

Seraphine

SMA

The Baby Registry

Which?

Ok, at this point, I have three options:

1) Print of all the checklists and cross reference what I need, stressful & time consuming

2) Say sod it! and buy one pre-packed - expensive and probably missing something vital

3) Breathe and ask people (i.e. new mums) who know what I actually need.

The current list I have:

Before you go:

Do a supermarket shop before your due date so you have all the essentials.

If you can, make and freeze a few meals for when you come home.

As do not have a car, I could call a taxi. Alternatively, arrange for an ambulance to pick you up. 

Birthing Partner - A pillow, blanket, and change of clothes for your birthing partner in case s/he’s in for an overnight stay. Ask them to pack their own bag, one less thing for you to do.

 

Mum’s bag:

Labour: 

• Mobile Phone (with music & portable speakers) and charger 
• Address book (contained in mobile). Make sure you have hospital number (phone number and reference number) somewhere accessible!
• Watch with a second hand or digital timer to time contractions (if using mobile phone one or app, make sure you know how to use it. Practice beforehand). 
• Pen & paper (notes in mobile if forget or it has this capability, most do)
• Contact details for your partner/birthing partner 
• Birth plan and maternity notes, Picture ID, insurance card and any other hospital paperwork you might need. 
• Money in change / coins about £10 for parking, snacks, drinks {although check parking costs online, they’re bloody expensive!} 
• Books/magazines/games
• Nightie or pyjama’s (Choose an old nightie or long t-shirt for labour you'll feel comfy walking around the delivery room or ward in) 
• Cardigan or sweatshirt (you may feel chilly in strong labour) 
• Dressing gown - Hospitals can be very warm, so a lightweight one is better
• Slippers 
• Socks (you may feel chilly in strong labour) 
• Underwear - (7-10 pairs). Either disposable or old, cheap knickers. If your waters break, no matter where you are, you'll want a change of underwear to help make you feel more comfortable. 
• Hot water bottle, cool pack or Massage oil (unscented) for pain relief. 
• TENS pain relief machine, if you are planning to use one.
• Your own birth ball – although your hospital may provide them 
• Facial sponge, for dabbing and sucking on or water spray / fan. Keep a water spray in the fridge until you leave for hospital. It's great for gentle cool-downs during labour.  
• Drinks and sandwiches or snacks in a cool-bag with (for you and birth partner) to keep you well hydrated throughout labour. Pop a flexible ice pack in the cool-bag before you leave to keep the drinks cool. It can double as a cool-pack for your forehead whilst in labour. Take bendy straws too, they will make drinking easier if you are lying down. It is a good idea to take some food in case you feel hungry; you will need to keep your energy levels up. Bananas, cereal bars, and glucose tablets. 

   

After birth: 

• Birth announcement cards, pen (if you are staying in overnight) 
•  Your favourite treat - you deserve it! 
• A mini bottle of bubbly and some chocolates to celebrate 
• Antibacterial wipes or hand solution to help protect from bacteria 
•  Camera & memory card, extra batteries 
• Arnica tablets to help with bruising after the birth. Although there is no conclusive evidence that they work (NHS 2007), many women report that taking arnica helps reduce bruising and helps the healing process. 
• Nursing bra (at least two, as you can get sweaty in hospital and if your milk comes early, your bra may get wet). A well-fitting ordinary bra if not, just remember your breasts may be larger than usual. 
• Breast pads you’ll need these even if you don’t plan to breastfeed (to absorb leaks of colostrum and milk).
• Lansinoh lanolin cream for breastfeeding to aid sore or cracked nipples. 
• Maternity pads - for before the birth if your waters break, and for afterwards when you'll bleed quite heavily (24)
• Toiletries - pack a sponge bag with a:
  • Body cream
  • Cleanser, toner and moisturiser
  • Contact lenses and spare glasses (even if you wear contacts)
  • Deodorant
  • Ear plugs, in case you end up on a noisy ward!
  • Eye mask, If you have trouble sleeping with the lights on
  • Face wipes
  • Flannel
  • Hairbrush, a hair band or scrunchie to tie back your hair or keep it off your face
  • Lip balm (gas and air can make your lips very dry)
  • Make-up and remover
  • Medications (check suitable if breastfeeding)
  • Mirror
  • Shampoo
  • Shower gel
  • Soap
  • Tissues
  • Toothbrush
  • Toothpaste
   
• Towels (preferably dark coloured so won’t get mixed up with hospital laundry). 
• Flip flops for the shower. The best hot shower you will ever take is after giving birth 
• Going home clothes - Bring something loose and easy to get into - preferably a selection from your maternity wardrobe - along with a pair of flat shoes. 
• Laundry bag for dirty clothes 
• Front opening nightdress or pyjamas for after the birth for easy breastfeeding (if you've made the breastfeeding decision) 
• Pillows - It is comforting. Just make sure you have a colourful cover on it to distinguish it from the hospitals. Also a v-shaped pillow (can help make baby feeding more comfortable)

Baby’s bag: 

• Sleepsuits / babygrows x 2 /3 - 6 
• Vests x 2/3 – 6 
• Scratch mittens 
• Hat 
• Socks – that can fit over babygro’s
• Going home outfit
  
• Outdoor clothes suitable for the time of year (cardigan, jacket, snowsuit) 
• Baby bottles - if you are bottle-feeding. Some maternity units may have sterilising equipment, so check with them and bring your own formula milk and sterilising equipment if needed
• Muslin squares 
• A pack of newborn nappies, nappy bags and nappy rash cream (if you're using terry towelling, include your own nappy pins) 
• Top and tail bowl (in case the hospital does not provide one - check with your midwife in advance)
• Cotton wool balls / unperfumed baby wipes / baby sponge - for bathing. 
• Hooded baby towels 
• Baby nail clippers 
• Colic drops may be useful as many newborns suffer
• Blankets 
• Pushchair or car seat - babies travelling home by car must be strapped into properly fitted car seats
• Soft toy suitable for newborns

How much of this is necessary? Anything I have forgotten? Or any extra nice to haves?  

Please leave me a comment if there is.

I am at hospital numerous times shortly, so I will check with them.

Seeing baby for first time

Today I had my first pregnancy scan. I finally got to see my baby for the first time.

My friend was able to come with me, and I was glad. I am not sure I would have contained my emotions otherwise!

I have a cold and keep coughing and sneezing. This in itself is no major problem, but I needed to drink a litre of water and keep it there for at least an hour before my scan! I kept imagining all sorts of comedy errors. F (my great friend) also did her best to create one by making me laugh. 

I was really nervous, although excited to see the baby for the first time. We got into the suite and the sonographer quickly got down to business. No sooner than I had lied back, she pointed to the screen and said 'there's the baby's heartbeat'. 

She told me that she needed to get some measurements then would show me. I was having a combined screening test, which is the usual dating scan plus measuring the nuchal fold for Downs syndrome and other problems. She was quiet for some time, then asked me to cough in the hope of the baby moving, because she could not get the nuchal fold measurement. 

Unfortunately, she could not get it. She asked me to go to the toilet and remove some of the fluid, but not all. Again she went back to trying. It was very painful, due to my weight, she had to push hard to get measurement. Still baby was playing shy or just awkward. 

She asked me to wait outside whilst she saw the next patient. Outside I started to panic something was wrong. If F wasn't there I would probably have run!  

I went back in and after some more digging around, the sonographer finally got it.

And then she turned the screen to me and my friend. She pointed out the arms, legs, etc. To be honest, I was not really listening, I was feeling quite tender and painful. She told us everything is normal and matched my dates exactly. 

I had some bloods taken, saw another doctor, and made more appointments. It has been quite a challenging, long day!

But here s/he is...

Lil Monster?

Is having a Midwife appointment on Halloween a premonition or just coincidence?

This was my second pregnancy appointment with the Midwife team, although my first proper assessment appointment. I was warned on Netmums to be be prepared to be barraged by a million questions.

The Midwife who made the appointment didn't book me in at her end, just on my paperwork. So after 30 minute wait, I end up with her assistant asking me questions  and  form filling. 

She asked me if I'd decided which type of scan I wanted, I said no as I had some questions, she just cut me off saying she needed to know then. I said well if you could just answer my questions...

She snapped at me and said didn't I read the book? I said yes but a) my heads all over the place and b) I have mental health issues that affect my memory and concentration.
Her response, 'well can't you talk it through with baby dad?' 

Well no actually, because he's a **** and I doubt he could answer my questions anyway.

Midwife took blood pressure twice because it was raised. Really?! 

I hate having my blood pressure taken, I would rather give blood. I just don't like that feeling when it is really tight around your arm. I'd never make a good junkie.

I had lots of bloods taken. I asked what they were testing for again, again didn't you read that bit of the book?!

I was told I was been referred to a consultant because of my back problems and that it might affect whether I can carry to term or have an epidural.

I met a friend afterwards and if it hadn't been for her, I would have come home and cried! I felt that crap.

My GP checked my blood pressure this morning, perfectly fine, thank you.

Shrink, baby, and meds

I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist today to discuss medication in pregnancy. There is no real information available on the effects of anti depressants in pregnancy, other than baby may suffer withdrawal symptoms for first couple of days.

I have decided to reduce medication in stages over the next couple of weeks and then stop. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I keep thinking, I can always go back on them if needed.

I don't know how much of my mood is just hormonal.

Booking In Appointment

I had my pregnancy booking in appointment with Midwife this morning. 

She gave me a folder of maternity notes to read and complete. 

Due to my history of depression I was told my pregnancy is high risk.  

I was also told I was very overweight and should not be gaining any weight at all in the pregnancy. 

I am asked where I want to give birth, I said I hadn't really thought about it but LGI is closest hospital to me so I guess there. I am told I need to decide by my next appointment where I want to give birth and whether I want a water birth.