Breastfeeding (antenatal thoughts)

Just in case you don't know by now, Breast is Best.

So what happens when you can't breastfeed, or actually just don't want to? You become the scum of the Earth.

Throughout my pregnancy I was constantly told about how breast feeding is best for both, mum and baby. At every appointment I went to I received more leaflets on it. Now whilst I was pregnant and not in the best of (mental) health I was really struggling with everything. One of my major issues (and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in this) is that EVERYTHING I can or don't do is a reflection of sh*t I am, an excuse to beat myself up and generally set the negative emotions and thoughts flowing, until I feel so crap that life isn't worth living.

My pregnancy (physically) was straight forward, despite the ongoing drama that can be the NHS. OK, so it wasn't the Disney 'life is wonderful, all glowing' experience, but no major issues either. I hoped that I would be able to breastfeed, I did not think otherwise. But then, what if I can't? I mean some women produce no milk, can't get baby to latch on, don't like it, and a million and one other reasons why they might not or cannot breast feed. This made me quite panicky, given my mental health and my uncertainty about being a mother, things obviously escalated quite quickly. It's the only thing I can do (personally) as a mother, so what if I can't? Obviously I'm right if thinking she'd be better elsewhere....

In the final months of my pregnancy I was admitted to The Mount. I had spoken about my fears with the staff there, who gave me lots of positive words. The phrase that stuck with me was 'There's a reason we have a milk kitchen'. And it helped, to an extent, but I decided I didn't want to think or talk about it. 

My Health Visitor came to meet me and her first question (not the only person to do so, I hasten to add) was, 'Are you going to breastfeed?'. I burst in to tears!

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