2 - 2 1/2 Year Review

My Little Lady is due her 2 - 2 1/2 year review soon and when I received the letter with the appointment, it also had an Ages & Stages Questionnaire.

This questionnaire is the 24 month one. 

It is quite excessive, asking lots of can your child do X, Y, and Z? Can they do it: Yes? No? Sometimes?

It is from an American book, so it refers to diapers and soda pops.

I feel that I shouldn't be having to go through these tests with her, she's 2. 

I do feel a bit 'why am I doing this?' too, I mean they want to know, they can do it.

Although the sensible part of me knows that it just isn't possible to see every child for long. We haven't seen a Health Visitor is around 18 months.

So, I'll fill in what I can, however I will not be completing the section that asks me to compare how well she's doing against other toddlers. Firstly, every child is different, and secondly, I don't know enough other kids. 

Keeping Your Children Warm this Winter

Keeping Your Children Warm this Winter

A guest post from Galt Toys

 

While it is proven that we cannot catch a cold from being cold, getting too cold is unpleasant and means our body has to fight harder to keep itself functioning normally, and so we may be more susceptible to catching viruses such as the common cold, flu or something worse. Children have weaker immune systems than adults, and we parents know how important it is to keep them snuggly warm. In this post, Galt Toys offers some great tips for keeping your child this winter!

Out and About

For babies, prams offer a large amount of protection from the elements, but warm layered clothing, blankets and a rain cover are essential for keeping them snug and protecting from cold winds and rain. Snowsuits are fabulous, but keep an eye to make sure your child doesn’t get too warm, and remove or undo it if going indoors.

Toddlers who are finding their feet or who are becoming increasingly confident on their feet should have warm sturdy footwear, or wellies with thick socks to protect their little tootsies. Vests, t-shirts, hoodies, coats and snowsuits are essential (although not all at once) and can be layered accordingly.

Older children need a warm outer coat, and perhaps thermal underwear for the coldest days. All children should also have a hat, as most heat escapes from the top of their head, as well as gloves and a scarf if necessary.

Around the house

While we are all conscious to keep our homes warm, it is important to keep a child’s bedroom warm. Stay away from portable heaters and electric blankets where possible, as these can be dangerous to younger children (although less dangerous to teenagers as long as electric blankets are turned off!).

Instead, add extra sheets or a warmer quilt and lined curtains to keep the heat in that is already there. Warm pyjamas with long legs and sleeves are your best bet, and bed socks may be necessary if you have a child prone to discarding bedding during the night. Babies might benefit from a sleeping bag to prevent them losing their covers and becoming cold.

Attend to other cold problems around the house, such as draughts and cold windows by using excluders or heavy curtains. A door curtain for the front door may be useful in older properties or those without double glazing.

Bedtime routine

If your child is a little older, warm broths, hot meals and hot drinks at bedtime are excellent ways to warm your child from the inside. Look for healthy recipes online for some inspiration. A warm bath before climbing into warm pyjamas will also help them to get all snuggly ready for bed.

A warm child will be healthier, happier, and may even sleep better! Do you have any fab tips on keeping your child warm this winter?

Mothers doing it wrong. Again!

Mothers are getting it wrong. We are putting our children before our husbands. How bloody dare we?!

At 11:00 today, ITV's This Morning had a debate with Andrew G Marshall, a marital therapist and author, who has written a book about putting your partner first.

In his book, I Love You But You Always Put Me Last, he offers suggestions to strengthening your relationship with your partner, (wife or husband) and making sure that you put them first, for example, greeting your wife first when you get home, children second, or by putting a lock on your bedroom door.

Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby both challenged him over his ideas. Firstly, he doesn't have children and secondly, that a partner often becomes more attractive because of the way they put the children first, by being a good dad / mum. 

Who should you put first, partner or child? Only 16% of respondents to the poll on This Morning said partner first, 84% saying children.

These are Marshall's The 10 Golden Rules:

1 Don't neglect your marriage: it is the glue that keeps the family together.

2 Being a parent and a perfectionist don't sit easily together. Instead, aim for good enough.

3 The main job of a parent is to take your children's feelings seriously, but this doesn't mean giving in to every whim, rather explaining why something is not possible or sensible.

4 Happy relationships need good communication skills as well as love and connection.

5 In disputes about how to raise your children, there are no right or wrong answers. Listen to each other, be assertive and negotiate.

6 Don't draw children into adult issues or let them take sides.

7 Encourage your children to be self-sufficient and don't become their servant. In this way, you will have more time to invest in your relationship.

8 You need to feel loved by your partner and not just a service provider. To this end it is important to be romantic, have fun together and make sex a priority.

9 When there's a problem, try not to label your partner or the children as the cause: look at your own contribution.

10 If something is good enough for your children, it is probably good enough for your partner, too.

These are taken from an interview published on the Guardian website here.

Now, obviously, I haven't read the book, but there are a lot of people agreeing and disagreeing with Andrew G Marshall online and in social media. 

But my main thought is 'for G-d's sake, why can't mums get a break, do we need more guilt?'

I appreciate that yes, in most cases children wouldn't be there if if wasn't for your partner, and yes you need a balance, but how many us feel like we are already putting so much effort in to trying to find that balance?

Me & Daddy have struggled being a couple since Little Lady arrived, but even though I'm stressed and need a break at times, my child will always come first.

I haven't got any more space in my head or heart for guilt about my partner not being first. Am I looking at this wrong? Should I be rejecting that guilt and thinking that a happy marriage will bring happy children?

What do you think? Do you agree with Mr Marshall?

HiPP Baby Club & Competition

A quick Google of baby clubs or pregnacy sites will bring up an ever increasing list of helpful websites, offers, discounts, etc. I'm an advocate of moneysavingexpert.com and used the site to see what people thought about the websites before I joined up.

I joined up with quite a few and have to say I have been disappointed with some. 

A new contender to these sites is the Baby Club. It is run by HiPP Organic. 

What does it offer I hear you cry! 

As a member, you can enjoy all this for FREE

• Personalised baby calendar
• Exclusive offers and competitions
• Regular baby development emails
• FREE 1st year record book
• Expert advice at every stage
• A-Z of pregnancy & baby health
• Chat to other mums and health experts in the HiPP Chat forum
• FREE HiPP Organic samples and money off coupons

For me, I have been rather relient on the internet for pregangcy information. As it's my first baby I have also enjoyed reading the weekly updates about baby's development by following your baby's growth on your very own personal development page. Some women (and fathers too) read everything they can possible digest. I haven't read any books as there is more than enough information in the weekly emails for me, but I do like being able to log on to the site and ask questions. And believe me there are a lot of random questions that have cropped up! You can ask a midwife, a health visitor, a nutritionist, HiPP's Customer Service manager directly or ask on the forums if it is less specific. A lot of the ladies on the forums are going through the same as you, have been, or are trying to negoitate another way around it. They are a great support and a laugh too.

There are lots of helpful hints and tips, what to buy lists, what to pack for hospital, what to eat and what to avoid information. The foods guide for pregnancy can be printed out to keep handy, especially when those cravings kick in. The recipes for pregnant mums is a nice touch.

The Getting ready for your arrival section is going to be very useful for me in the coming weeks, as it includes:

A free birth plan 

What really happens during labour?

Where to give birth

What to put in your hospital bag 

Postnatal support

There are lots of charts and tools for the new mum, and those a good few months in. HiPP offer a free HiPP Organic weaning starter pack (when baby reaches 17 weeks old) plus exclusive offers for joining. 

The HiPP Baby Club is open to those living in the UK and pregnant and/or have a child under 12 months of age. Once registered, Baby Club is available for you to use up to and including your child's 5th birthday.

You can join the HiPP Baby Club here.

And find out all about HiPP Organic here, including competitions, updates, etc.

In conjunction with HiPP I am pleased to offer a new competition. One winner will receive a goody bag of HiPP Organic Baby Food containing:

A selection of jars (3)

Creamy Porridge (1)

Fruit Pots (1 box of 4)

Fruit Pouches (2)

Baby's are expensive?

When I first found out I was pregnant one of my immediate thoughts was 'how the hell am I going to afford everything?!'

And if I'm being honest, 30 weeks later, I am still feeling something similar. 

The government had stopped the Health in Pregnancy Grant at the beginning of last year. And the new Healthy Start vouchers and the Sure Start Maternity grant don't apply to me because I get contribution based benefits, not income related. Although it would mean the same amount of money physically, income related benefits do act as gateway benefits. But because I have paid tax, and in Iain Duncan Smith's words I am getting 'something for something', I am entitled to **** all (*insert own word).

Bizarrely the government would have covered the cost of NHS treatment for an abortion.

Add in to this that the government also expect me to be looking for work. I'm claiming Employment & Support Allowance as not been well enough to work, which was the result of a tribunal process I don't ever want to have to go through again. Initially I was happy to be finally accepted on to the work program, but as usual I'm beginning to think its a thinly disguised excuse to waste money. I actually felt rather bullied at my last appointment. I don't feel having to constantly justify myself to them is helping anyone, especially when I am just repeating myself.

Oh yeah, and just out of interest, any employers want to employ someone who cannot commit to longer than eight weeks (at a push) and then need to be replaced as on maternity leave?

Work program. Really?

After my long ongoing battle with the DWP, I have finally been accepted on to the work program. As I mentioned in an early blog post, I was refered following an appointment with a jobcentre advisor. I was warned that I may not be accepted as I was pregnant. 

So yesterday was my first appointment with the company running the program. Before I had even left the house, I knew I was going to struggle. I just didn't want to go out. I know I wanted this appointment and it was hopefully going to help me, but just the thought of leaving the house was terrifying me.

Fortunately, my good friends on Twitter talked to me and I resolved that I would be ok, panic attacks may feel like I'm having heart attack, but I wont die! 

I managed to get there, I'll skip the vomiting and two more panic attacks, on time.

I waited outside the building, no response to buzzer, hmmm ok. Somebody let me in, when she arrived. I waited in reception. Nobody there, nor did it look like they would be soon. I could see the door for the company I needed to be at. After waiting 10 minutes or so, I decided to just go in. When I did, I saw a reception style desk, again nobody there. There were a few people in the office, but not seemed to acknowledge me. A man walked over and asked if he could help. I told him I had an appointment to see someone. He told me to take a seat whilst he got him. 

My advisor came to the desk, shouted over to me that he needed to get some stuff, they don't normally have customers until 10:00 and he doesn't know why I was booked in that early.

I cannot help but think, 'who cares, I have known about the appointment for a week, I'm sure you have too, why aren't you ready for me?!'

Basically the appointment is form filling. The advisor gave me a rough guide to what they do. I have to tell him that I am not on Jobseeker's, I haven't been looking for work, I am claiming ESA and why, and oh I'm pregnant. I am made two further appointments, neither time asked if they were convenient, although he did change one when I asked.

He asked me when I saw myself back in employment. I said within 12 months. He seemed a little shocked. 'Even with a baby?' Like I was going to stroll up to work, with a newborn suckling my breast. 'I presume there are options.' At which point he told me he would discuss the benefits system with me. 

I know the point of this program is to help people in to work, (I thought) from sickness benefits. I have struggled to survive with the ongoing battles with the DWP and now I'm wondering if having a child means they no longer give a sh*t. I'm one less statistic, because I will no longer be sick / disabled / Mental health patient, but a single mother.

All in all, I managed to get myself worked up and stressed out for nothing. To be honest, I could have returned forms and posted in my C.V.. 

As I cannot return to my previous role, I am considering what I want to do. I know I have a lot of transferrable skills and experience, I just don't know where I want to transfer them too.

I need a careers advisor....

Anybody know one who works with lost cases?

Mothers & Daughters

Mothers give us life; shape us into the people we become. They hold our hands and our hearts, whilst they guide us through life’s obstacles. Mothers try to protect us, keep us safe and out of harm’s way. Mothers remember their mistakes and try to prevent you making the same ones, but will be there with the tissues and emotional support when you do. They will never tell you ‘I told you so’ but will always tell you ‘I love you’.

Daughters bring us joy, laughter and unprecedented love. We try to protect them, look after them, and encourage them to become all they can. We try to motivate and guide them in becoming the women we know they can be. In doing so, we sometimes have to step back and let them make their own decisions, trusting we gave them the strength to make the right ones. It is hard to witness the tears, when you would stop the world for them. Daughters can break your heart with a word, but we will always be there for them, to help them pick up the pieces.

Real Memories?

I often think about my childhood, memories are all I have left.

I remember certain moments in graphic detail, the sights, sounds, smells and emotions.
There are some details I have blocked, painful memories, repressed them for my sanity.
I often wonder about my memory, it is reliable, can I trust it?

Are the images I recall vividly real? Did I remember it correctly or has it been coloured by my imagination?

I can recall games with my brother, us youthful and lively, laughter piercing the bright sunshine, green grass glistening with morning dew. I am about three years old, my brother seven. I have a brilliant blue bucket trailing behind. It is shaped like a castle, but there is no sand in the garden. My brother sat on the front step, pretending to be grown up, imitating my mother and grandfather, sucking on a chocolate cigarette.

I can recall this memory as clear as the crystal glasses from my wedding day, so it must have happened.
Right?

Well, this is where I get confused, because when my mother passed away I acquired the family photographs. In one of the black bags that contained every snapshot of our childhood, in a number of photograph albums, was a familiar scene.

I recognised the bucket, the boy on the step. Now I'm wondering whether I saw this picture and that formed my memory or whether it just happened to be taken at the exact moment I recalled?