Blogging Every Day in August: A day in our life (Day 6)

Sarah at Yummy Mummy In Training has set herself a challenge of blogging every day in August and has listed her prompts. As my blogging is a bit hit and miss at the moment, I will be using her prompts to generate some ideas too. 

Today's prompt is: A day in our life 

More specifically my life and head:

I'm laid in bed tossing and turning, not able to sleep (not surprisingly). I can't sleep, I have suffered from insomnia and hypersomnia for the last 20 years. I have been prescribed Zopiclone to take to help try and re-establish a sleep pattern.

This is taken from the NHS website:

It is essential to get a full night of continuous and uninterrupted sleep after taking Zopiclone. If your sleep is disturbed before this time has passed, Zopiclone may cause you to have some memory problems. You may have no memory of what happened from the time your sleep was interrupted until the time when the effects of this medicine have worn off.

Basically, whether I sleep or not, I lose 12 hours. I feel very groggy, tired, and slurred, as if I'm drunk. My head is heavy and foggy. It's difficult to function. I can only take them when I am not alone.

As I've mentioned on the blog before one of my mental health issues is catastrophing, my life is a seriously affected by this.  

PsychCentral say 'Catastrophizing is an irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is'. 

So what does that mean in a real life situation? It means I'm laid in bed, unable to sleep, paranoid something terrible is going to happen to me or my baby, and it will be my fault. 

As I lay there, I close my eyes and try to work my way through some relaxation techniques.

Within two minutes I am fully tense scared to open my eyes! Why? 

I could feel someone looking at me, staring at me, stood over me. I could feel their breath on my face. They are in my house, in my room. Armed? Argh! ARGH!!

By the time I manage to control my breathing and tears, I realise this is just an extension of my mind racing. 

I end up getting up to take some sleeping pills, and await the elusive sleep.

I get up early with Little Lady, so happy and smiling. I'm constantly exhausted and have very achy muscles, like I have a bad case of flu. I'm tired when I wake up. My head immediately starts to run a thousand thoughts a second. Constant noise & pressure in my head, feels like it is going to explode. I have a constant headache, varying between a dull ache and a sharp, stabbing pain. It feels like a hole in the skull is needed to release the pressure.  My mind is constantly engaged, I can't switch it off. Not just worries, random stuff too. All very juxtaposed.

 

I had a letter from DWP from yesterday, I haven’t dealt with, today doesn’t look likely either.

I also have to call the council to find out what is going on as my landlord received a random letter. I face the situation and call. Twenty minutes later and I’m so stressed. Not only did they cock up on the letter, they have also ended the little bit of housing benefit we get as DWP has told them I’m not getting paid. Hmmm, basically the change I reported in December that they dealt with in February. Apparently the last 35 page (!) recalculation letter is correct.

I was so stressed and confused by the time I had finished. It just proved to me why I hate dealing with phone calls, at least with written correspondence (letter or emails), I have time to digest the information. I ended up emailing them to request the one thing I wanted doing, and the now two extra things!

My friend turns up so I can do some university work. I have an assignment due last Friday! I’m really struggling with it. I am scoring ok, but I feel that it isn’t making any sense.

I can't concentrate. I have to re-read everything several times, for it to make sense, but as soon as I've finished, I've forgotten it. It's soul destroying. Why am I even trying to do this course. I can't keep up with work. I don't even understand it! None of this course has gone in. Why did I sign up? Why am I stressing out about coursework when I need to pass exam to pass course and I can't remember anything! What an idiot. What was I thinking? Who was I kidding?

Thoughts run through my head constantly, I have a constant headache from the noise.

This is a brief glimpse in to a day in my head.